Friday, January 2, 2009

Random Thoughts on a Friday

AND THANK GOD FOR FRIDAY!!! Though I have to say, I bought the local newspaper today, as I am occassionally prone to do, at Panera Bread, got to my office and was PISSED that the Roman Record had been nicked out of my paper. To those of you who live in Rome, you are fully aware of the importance of the Roman Record. For those of you from elsewhere (bless your hearts!), let me tell you about the Roman Record. Once a week, the Rome News-Tribune (enlightening work of journalism that it is...excuse me while I snort coffee out my nose at that...) publishes an "insert", if you will, to the regular daily paper. This insert contains all sorts of nuggets of imperative community information, including a community calendar, self-help groups available and their meeting times, etc. But more important, it contains vital (VITAL, I tell you) info about who was arrested over the weekend & the alleged offenses, marriage licenses, divorces, babies birthed, property sales, civil judgments, etc. In other words, it's the local gossip all summed up in one place. Printed in black and white for posterity, and everything.

Now, all of this to say, people take their Roman Record readings VERY seriously around here. Your feelings on the Roman Record will firmly place you in one of two camps. Camp One: You read it without fail weekly, and call and congratulate people on their new baby or new property. (Side note: generally, people won't call and congratulate you on your arrest...or your divorce, though it has been known to happen...more on that in a minute.) Camp Two: You (and when I say "you", I mean "me") pretend not to be concerned with such minor things as local community gossip. You are grown and important and have so many Better and More Productive Things to Do than read the gossip rag. This is true even though you (meaning me) only buy the paper once a week on Roman Record day, and hole up in your office (with the door closed) and pore over it from cover to cover, getting your hands all inky in the process...and then pretend you didn't know about your 3 friends getting arrested at 3am last Saturday for drunk and disorderly conduct. Instead, you (again, I mean "me") just wait for them to call you for your stellar legal advice and act Oh So Surprised! to hear about their misfortune and "Yes, those cops are retards! Arresting a man just because he had to pee so bad he couldn't wait to get 2 blocks down and had to relieve himself right there in the street...I mean, really. Come on. That sounds like perfectly appropriate (not to mention LEGAL) behavior to me!!!"

OK - so now you know about the Roman Record. One more minor story re: the Roman Record. I have only had two occassions in which the names in the Roman Record personally affected me. One was related to someone very close to me who was arrested, who I bonded out, and I was rather embarrassed about the whole situation. However, no one called or mentioned anything about said name (which will remain withheld) after the Roman Record was published that week. (Thank GOD for small miracles.) The other time I had personal ties to the Roman Record was when my very own name appeared in it. It was clearly published - "Jennifer Joy Walker" under the "Divorces" headline. Right there in black and white. And of course, that was the ONE WEEK that I didn't pore over the Roman Record (in my office with the door closed), because, likely, I was in court or tending a sick preschooler or, you know, handling some detail of my daily life doing something else that was equally, nay MORE important, than wasting 3o minutes on random Rome gossip. However, and this is the kicker, so be prepared: PEOPLE CALLED ME TO SAY "Hey, I saw your name in the Roman Record!" - these are clearly Camp One folks. Clearly. Um, what exactly is the proper salutation for a new divorcee? "Congrats" doesn't seem to work, however "I'm so sorry" at that point wasn't really appropriate anymore either. It's not something to celebrate or mourn over. It just "is what it is." Weird.

I think that was one of the first times after The Big Split that I actually felt like - you know, I am ok. Really, really, REALLY, ok. No worries, man. (And, fyi, faithful readers, this was many many months ago, I just got elaborate on it today because of the incident with the Roman Record that occurred at Panera.)

OK - so back to this morning. I arrive at my desk. Coffee - check. Bagel & cream cheese - check. Email - check. OK, open the paper, New Year's Babies on the front page...awwww, How about the weather? (It's raining. And cold.) OH - I should check the Roman Record!!! But - NO!!!! SO TOTALLY UNFAIR - someone nicked my Roman Record out of this paper...but wait. The Roman Record? Today is Monday, right? Monday is when the Roman Record is published...and you know, it is Monday, isn't it? No? It's not Monday? Hmmm, I was off yesterday - seems like Monday...oh, but it's Friday. Duh. There's no Roman Record on Friday. I'll just have to wait for my gossip a few more days...

EDITED TO ADD THIS *VERY RANDOM* NOTE: To the Rome, GA, visitor that views my site between 5:30 and 6 am most are a dedicated and faithful reader, seeing as you come so EARLY in the mornings ;) Thank you. You must be responsible and go to bed on time and stuff...unlike me, because I, unlike you, am lucky if I get me & my two short people out the door on time, WITH SHOES ON US ALL, and actually make it to the gas station, Berry, and the office with no major incidents involving bleeding, SuperGlue or small fires. If, by chance, I do make it to work (with the coffee and the Roman Record) without any such incidents, I pat myself on the back.

1 comment:

  1. Ok The Roman Record should publish your commentary on the ROman Record. It is hilarious and oh so true!
    heart you me