Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Break out the LAUGHTER

Right, so - it's been entirely too boring around the ol' blog lately. We need some funnies! So, in the interest of your pure guilty pleasure entertainment, please note the following announcements...which are purely NOTES TO MYSELF (that's the subtitle...) and not meant for any of you grown, responsible folks reading this blog...just things on my own mind.

1. Small children should not be allowed access to toasters. Particularly when said small children are naked and DEFINITELY not when they are naked...and wet.

2. Ditto above for access by small children to gas-log fireplace with no screen. (irrespective of naked & wet status...)

3. When taking small children to Garden Ridge to pick out smallish pre-lit tree, they WILL want the crazy colored lights. Let them have it. Also, note to self: When allowing children to pick out ornaments for smallish-garish-pre-lit-tree...best NOT to allow them to pick the art deco GLASS bulbs, even if you think they are pretty. Preschoolers + crazy dog+ glass ornaments + hardwood floors = disasterous.

4. It's COLD. (That's not really funny, but it is an announcement, and a reminder to wear woolen socks and a COAT tomorrow...duh.)

5. The dentist told you not to eat any more mints. This mint-crunching is why you have one cavity on your top molar. WHY oh WHY do you have a MINT in your mouth (because I NEED one...silly.)

6. You have a card/pass to the parking deck across the street. This is "free" parking for government employees. Parking in downtown Rome is a mind-melding-mess. I know it's a long way for you to walk like, all the way across the street, but really, J - if you park on the street (i.e. not in the garage) and overstay your 2 hour limit, you WILL get a ticket, and you're up to maximum ticket cost now ($80...$80!!!!! just for parking 50 more feet away - COME ON, lady.)

7. I really really need a haircut. Really. (The fact that BOTH my hairdryer AND my flat iron are on the fritz and my hair is a complete and utter mess is irrelevant...of course.)

8. Don't talk to strange men at Krystal. Even if they talk to you first and seem sad and you're just being nice. I know Grandmomma told you that "strangers are just friends you haven't met yet" but your MOMMA said "DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!" and that should take precedence. Just smile and nod and get your food to go. You have enough client-stalkers at the moment, you don't need old-man-who-likes-Krystal-chili to get rid of, too.

9. Not everyone talks to dogs. Even fewer folks can understand what the dogs are saying back. In fact, I can only think of two people that do this (Carol...and me...because we are one and the same.)
I have recently discovered this same theory is true for God, too. Unfortunately, not everyone talks to God, and even fewer hear him speak back. Count your blessings.

Please add your own notes-to-self, should you feel inspired (or feel free to leave notes-to-JJ, too... I'll take all the help I can get.)


  1. 1> Teach your kids that you butter the bread AFTER it comes out of the toaster... not before.

  2. Note to self
    Only talk to people about dog talking who take you seriously or love you unconditionally, others thinkyou are clinically nuts.
    Keep talking about God talking, it is good to upset peoples perceptions! ha!
    PS God told me last night, that this tooth thing was to see if I could handle it now alone, cos in ALbania, I will be alone, even no Heidi. And she did cuddle me...and say "there, there"